Picking Stars
by curlyalien
Summary: Mari thinks about those two times, when she last saw Yoh and finds him brilliant. Brilliant things cant be hated..


Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King characters and yeah it is a real lullaby copyrighted to V. Kernagis, but I doubt I would translate it right.

**Picking Stars**

At night Chuck always sings me a lullaby, so I would sleep carelessly, with not a single worry about tomorrow. He sings me about a hag's child, who was born ugly and pigeon-toed. Even his mother didn't accept him, and one night he flew away. Black wings grew behind his back and he left leaving only a copper ring, mother hag put on his finger the day the bantling was born. When I was little, I used to cry for the poor child. Even if I was born pretty as a flower, mama used to call me that, I understood the hag's bantling. I guess the comprehension made me sadder than I already was. Chuck cried for him too. None of my dolls could accompany me with that. Or any other thing. I was too soft back then and Chuck wasn't shattered like he is now. I guess we have changed. We don't cry for the little bantling anymore. We don't cry for anyone.

But that night I asked Chuck to stop. There was no point for him to sing, if I didn't hear him. Chuck only smiled kindly at me. He could smile even with his mouth sewed. My mouth was healthy, but I rarely could. I think he understood me, Chuck is my spirit guardian, he knows me better than anyone. Better than my mama did. And he let me think, even if I didn't want to. Thoughts flashed through my mind by themselves. Different screenshots from my life took by a black-and-white camera. A teacher from art class once told, that white wasn't a color and so was black _"Was Mari's life painted in none existing colors?"_ I didn't want to think about that. And I didn't, but other thoughts continued to pass.

I saw master Hao. No, it was Yoh Asakura, Hao's twin brother. He stood a few steps from me for the first time. He looked so much like Hao, but they were so different. How much different? And the next second he showed me. Yoh easily dodged my attack for my and Chuck surprise and now was right in font. I felt the cold blade close to my neck. Too close. One move and I would join Chuck for ever, I believe, he always secretly wished for that. A second I wondered how death tasted like. It made me laugh, thinking, that I was interested in death's flavors at a time like this, time of my body's end. But then Yoh pulled his sword away leaving me startled. _"Why..?"_ I wasn't afraid to die for master Hao. I screamed that loudly, and he just smiled. Hao could never smile like that. "I promise to play with you later." he said running away leaving me unscratched, but confused as never.

"_Why..?"_ I asked Chuck the same question a few times, but he said nothing. _"Yoh, did you spare Mari's life 'cos Mari wasn't worth killing?" _I will never forgive that!But something inside me, something I never considered listening to, told it wasn't the reason. _"Yoh, was that kindness?" _Chuck with Machi and Kanna are kind to me. Mama was kind to me but you. You are my enemy, and I'm yours. Kindness is something unsuitable between us._ "You don't think so, Yoh?" _Maybe I don't too. At least not now.

"_Yoh, do you remember?"_ We met again the same day. This time with Kanna and Machi we tried to stop you, or maybe only they. I don't know. The girls did all the talking; I only attacked, when the moment came. Master Hao didn't notice my small hesitation, he gave me a part of his enormous power, gave it to everyone who agreed and followed him. He wouldn't grant me if I wasn't on his side? And I was…I just didn't want to fight you. But I did, did it for Hao. I never betrayed him. Master Hao did so much for us, for me, he brought us to the light with the heavenly vision. Mama would do that too if she could. And I believed in his vision, it looked so pretty to me like butterflies and fairies. Humanity is ugly, they don't understand, don't accept us like the little hag's bantling. Only mama did. I hope, Chuck didn't notice how uncertain I was too. No, I know, he did and thank him for not talking about it. _"Yoh, did you noticed it too? That Mari didn't talk, not that Mari talks a lot."_ You defeated us so quickly so probably not. But maybe you felt the small war inside me in which you played the biggest part. You know, that war still remains. Chuck feels it, and once again I thank him for not saying anything.

War is bad. Where is war, hate isn't far away. _"Then Mari hates Yoh…"_ I held anger for the wind, which ruined my hair, for the sun, which stung my eyes, when I looked straight at her, for the pain in my chest, when mama left and for the miserable humanity she was never like. But the hate towards you is different. It is not like any other, I have felt, but then again have I felt real hate? Small bitterness, which overcomes my boredom from time to time, is everything, but I like to call it big and fancy names. _"Venom, spite, malice… Yoh, doesn't it feel so good, when the words escape your tongue?" _I find them brilliant. If you felt brilliance, then you are brilliant. Brilliant things can't be hated and you are like that. You see what you're doing to me. I don't understand my thoughts anymore and we got along so well. I was indifferent about the surrounding, crude faces and icy looks, everything. Only the word was important and it was mama with Chuck. Once mama left, I chose more carefully since then. Onlymaster Hao with Machi and Kanna were let in. Now Hao left us, me and we don't know when will he come back. Kanna says that he's dead, but I don't believe her. She always was too pessimistic. But maybe… _"Will everyone leave Mari? One after another until Mari is left alone like she once was?"_ Even Chuck? No, he is the one who remained after mama, after Hao and he will, that is that.

Now I am thinking about you. _"Does it mean that Yoh has joined Mari's world?"_ I am so confused. It seems one part of me hates you and another doesn't. _"Is there two of Mari's, Yoh?"_ One wants to slash you because you are an enemy and another wants play with you as you promised. Chuck likes to play with me, he likes to do anything with me. Machi too plays with me. Her favorite game is tag, but maybe she just wants to show off how fast she can run. Machi does stuff as quickly as she can; she's always rushing, spinning around, but it never annoys me. She wouldn't be Machi otherwise. _"Would you play with Mari, Yoh?" _Mama once taught me a game "Pick a star". She asked me to pick one star from all the distant sky and then guessed which one it was, I know all constellations because of it. Even Chuck doesn't know this game. I hope it doesn't make you more special than him.

--

"Pick a star, Yoh, and Mari will find it. If you'll win, Mari will sing you a lullaby about the little hag's child." A bit too loudly said a fair haired girl closing her eyes. Two sleeping figures inside a probably stolen tent only stirred.

"Is that Mari?" asked Kanna more herself than the girl besides her, but she still heard. A sleepy voice murmured a "huh?" and the bluenette smiled at her. "Go to sleep." she said in a soft voice, nothing like her usual irritated one, trying to notice the blonde through the gap before lying next to Machi. Mari stood near a slightly burning fireplace with her eyes closed as if waiting for something, unknown to her that it will never come.

"Mari is Mari." she sighed "She'll drop it when she'll get bored."

* * *

This is just something about the Hanagumis 'cos I love them so much. It was fun to write in Mari's pov. 


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